Arn't I A Woman?

I try to talk a lot about getting better, going through recovery and all that. I use the word “recovery” even though I’m not sure of its accuracy in relation to mental illness. It seems to presume that mental illness can be overcome, or conquered, and that once you have “recovered” long enough, your illness dissipates into thin air, its existence nothing but an uncomfortable memory. I use it here in a sense similar to an alcoholic or a drug addict in recovery. You never stop being an alcoholic, you just stop drinking. So what is recovery, then, from mental illness if it can never be alleviated from your life? I’ll never wake up one day and not suffer from a personality disorder; I’ll always have the depression gene floating around my body. My recovery is I guess attempting to neutralize these genes, to accept that they exist inside me always but hope that through therapy and medication these genes will soon lie dormant. ‘I don’t know much’ about human biology, and honestly, I...

Dear Devin the dude,  Here’s why I think you’re an asshole.  I went to your show last night in Atlanta, Ga.  I was excited. I like your music a lot; I think you make great records. I was really exited to see you perform. I work as a waitress, which means I work late nights and weekends. But luckily, Atlanta is a city that is notoriously late for everything, so I got off before you had gone on. So I was like, that’s what’s up, I’m gonna go see the Devin the Dude and smoke weed and drink gin and tonics with my friends. It should have been a really awesome night!                                                  what my night should have been like  When I got there I dished out the 20 dollars at the door, which I had just earned from commodifying myself to the point of oblivion. But if I know (think) I’m gonna see a really go...

Forgiveness is a really important tenet in life. You’ll never find peace if you hold on to things that make you angry or upset. But there is a difference between forgiveness and letting someone/something back into your life that isn’t good for you. Forgiveness, for me, is contingent upon moving on from something or someone. You can forgive because you are ready to let go. I’ve been on both ends of forgiveness. A little over a year ago, I lost one of my best friends ever. We had a huge fight and ended our friendship ostensibly. A situation came up which required both of us to be together in an intimate setting. We talked a little before hand, and while it was kind of uncomfortable, I realized what was going on, that she forgave me, but didn’t need or want me in her life anymore. When it came to being around each other, we were civil, more than civil, we were able to even kick it and it wasn’t weird and it was actually quite nice. It was nice to let the anger subside on bo...

If you’re like me, you grew up in a mainly white suburban neighborhood with access to resources a lot of other people didn’t have, and you were probably taught a linear model of how life works: go to college, get a degree, get a job, make money, get married, have kids, die. I grew up in the suburbs of Atlanta, Ga and didn’t really ever want for anything. I didn’t experience impoverishment or disenfranchisement. I always had everything I needed. Most people I know personally come from a lot of different backgrounds, but I know a lot of young people who had moderate to high standards of living growing up, and feel like shit about their lives and their future as young adults. So how did this generation of over-privileged youth descend into a culture of nihilism? Why is it that the kids who were given everything now feel hopeless and lost and often turn to partying and escapism to avoid real life? Is it poetic justice? Not really, because it’s not like some other segment of...

I know you’ve been down so long, Cause I’ve been down too Yes, I understand what you’re going through Yes, I understand, cause I’m going through it too One of the main points in starting this blog was to not only articulate and make sense of my world, but also to try and offer some advice to other people that might be going through similar things as I. First and foremost, for anyone who is suffering from any type of depression or mental disorder, going to see a medical professional is paramount. Therapy and medication in conjunction make up the fundamental stepping-stone of recovery. The greatest lesson I have had to learn though is that while helpful, these are not “cures”. I mean, have you ever interacted with me? I’m proof enough that you can be in therapy and on medication and still have visible characteristics of mental disorders. That’s been a big thing for me. Like, I’m trying! I really am! But my brain is fighting against me. That’s how it feels sometime...

Derrick Bell was one of my favorite race scholars ever. He pioneered critical race theory and wrote about American race relations in parables (see: Bell’s ‘The Space Traders’). I’m currently reading an article about Bell’s theory on racism’s permanence in our society. The author (George Taylor) attempts to deconstruct and make sense of the apparent paradox within Bell’s work: if racism is permanent, how can Bell contend we must still fight against it? So Taylor just BROUGHT IT HOME with his preliminary analysis. I’m not done reading the article but I had to take an aside to explore how I’m feeling about his theories. To quote from his article “Racism as ‘the Nation’s Crucial Sin’: Theology and Derrick Bell”:               “ The acid bath             of Bell’s thesis of racism’s permanence lays reality bare; it strips away our illusions. To lay realit...

This quote resonated with me when I heard it recently. At first I thought, that's totally true; not many "big moments" exist in someone's life. The ones where, in a split second, everything's changed. Sometimes maybe you don't even know they are those moments until years after they have happened. But you only have a few of them. I'm gonna go ahead and take a break here and just say that I am listening to all the best Whitney Houston songs right now and her death is still very fresh and I may be feeling a little crazy and not able to turn my thoughts into anything but written gibberish. Actually Whitney Houston can probably just be tied into exactly what I'm talking about. Here's the second part of my thoughts on how frequently important moments happen in life. While I have had a few "big" moments, many things that have shaped the direction I have taken in life have been because of the sum of many "small" moments. Moments tha...