Arn't I A Woman?

A Winter of the Mind “It's a season governed by the recluse, the hermit. Activity gives way to dormancy. Life is still, indwelling and silent. This is a time of introversion, contemplation and going within. Symbolic winter invites us to quiet the mind, still the soul, and crystallize our inner workings. This is a time to ice skate through winter whites as a means of gaining purity and clarification.” A depressive landscape emerges: it is marred with oblique jagged rocks shooting out of deep crimson sand, stabbing at lonely, barren air suffocated by a putrid smell of rotting flesh. I live here, for now. A winter of the mind has settled inside me; it is dark and all consuming and unquenchingly eats away at my hope and joy. A vanquishing, cancerous Pac-Man. As much as I tried to fight it; as many positive affirmations I muttered under my breath, glasses of water I drank, and moments of mediation...

aka “The Philip Seymour Hoffman Effect” Dear Jessie, Today is October 29, 2013. Last night was fun, wasn’t it? Was it? Why did you smoke those two cigarettes? I know why you did. Psychic release. I know why you do the things you do before you do them. Nestled snuggly underneath the squiggly electronic jagged lines that send currents through that big lumpy cranium of yours lays core beliefs you have about yourself, the world, and other people. They are hidden so sometimes you don’t even know they are there, but they are. Some mutate and evolve over time and some have remained untouched for decades. There are very few unchangeable facts about people. We tightly grasp ideas like “blonde hair” “extrovert” “intelligent” “depressed” “unlovable” to form our identity. Without them we feel empty. But truthfully, these signifiers are as permanent as Miley Cyrus’ innocence. Though these ideas give us temporary existential relief, they ultimately are incredibly limiting...