Arn't I A Woman?

aka “The Philip Seymour Hoffman Effect” Dear Jessie, Today is October 29, 2013. Last night was fun, wasn’t it? Was it? Why did you smoke those two cigarettes? I know why you did. Psychic release. I know why you do the things you do before you do them. Nestled snuggly underneath the squiggly electronic jagged lines that send currents through that big lumpy cranium of yours lays core beliefs you have about yourself, the world, and other people. They are hidden so sometimes you don’t even know they are there, but they are. Some mutate and evolve over time and some have remained untouched for decades. There are very few unchangeable facts about people. We tightly grasp ideas like “blonde hair” “extrovert” “intelligent” “depressed” “unlovable” to form our identity. Without them we feel empty. But truthfully, these signifiers are as permanent as Miley Cyrus’ innocence. Though these ideas give us temporary existential relief, they ultimately are incredibly limiting...

I know right. It should at least be one or the other. Love to work, hate to party. Love to party, hate to work. Nope. I hate them all. Work wise I think everyone gets that. Who fucking likes to work unless you are a billionaire juggler or some really cool job that I can’t think of right now. But I also have entered into the realm of hating to party. I used to be super good at it. But now I have three drinks and I want to go pass out and watch Dawson’s Creek. There’s this great line from an MTV Movie Awards speech that Jim Carey gave once, it was when he was still marginally relevant as an actor, around the time he was calling Rene Zellweger his girlfriend, and he said, “I don’t want to be here. I want to be home eating chips.”              It was also the same speech where he pretended he was a member of Foghat …And it’s like, yeah man, me too. Me fuckin’ too. Now, I like to socialize. I am a social person to an extent, I’m not a shut in....